Dating has evolved through the years - as is the normal progression with most things. I mean trust me when I say, I'm so glad that pre-arranged marriages are no longer a common practice!! :) During my parents' generation a guy would ask a girl to go to the drive-in, local dance or football game, and dinner at the local diner. During my brother's generation (who is 8 years older than I) a guy would ask a girl to go to the Putt-Putt and then dinner at Pizza Hut. When I was in high school (16+ years ago) a guy would ask a girl to go______.... well I don't know. I didn't have one date in high school until the Senior Prom, and all of those details were worked out! :) But I'm sure it was something similar...a guy asked a girl to go out and do something that was hip (or should i say fly - a 90's term) to the early to mid 90's culture.
Of course all of this was before the Internet...when communication occurred in person, through a note passed during class, or on a phone, that being the family phone - not one that takes pictures or sends messages. You met people at school (high school or college), through friends, at church (or church events - camp, retreats, etc.) or by walking around Westland Mall for umpteen hours. Then one day it changed - enter the late 1990's and along comes a very resourceful resource...the Internet. The Internet brought Encyclopedia Britannica, plus much more, to your finger tips. You could travel to another city (even country) in about a 1.5 min. (back then it was dial-up, highspeed was a few years away) - and watch someone get married in Las Vegas via the Chapel of Love web cam. Today every ounce of information you could ever want/need to know about ANYthing, can be found on the Internet - truth, fiction or a combination of the two. Including a date with your future mate. You can now meet someone living just miles, streets, maybe even front yards away from your home - and you don't have to walk out the door. Yeah, I know great way to work on your social skills!!
As those who follow know - I'm single and 30+, which to some (mainly to those in the Christian sphere) makes me a rare demographic. I don't consider it completely rare - just medium rare, again especially when going outside of the Christian sphere. More and more single is a common (and accepted) status. Men and women are finishing their education, starting jobs to get established, building friendships and enjoying the freedoms of being an adult - before settling down to marriage and children...and the responsibilities that come with both blessings. In addition (and what I consider the main factor), because of our culture and the acceptance of all lifestyles - many (not all - and count me in the not all group) singles are enjoying the "benefits" of marriage without the commitment of marriage. Sex (however you define it), living together and children outside of marriage. Therefore, making it "unnecessary" to get married as a late teen or very early young adult - as was the case with the generations I mentioned above. Kind of like the old saying "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?". However the medium rare part falls when you are single and 30+...usually by the mid to late 20's young adults are starting to realize they are ready for a spouse, children, and similar responsibilities. Not many are 30+ and single (especially men) - making the "line-up" of potential mates that you meet at work...church...shoot even at the grocery store fewer and fewer. In addition, sadly this culture we live in is one of instant gratification and one where they like to know all their "options" before making a selection. They want to know all they can about each option before making a choice - without making any form of connection, let alone a commitment. And there you have it - the concept to the "new" (but not really so new) fad of Internet dating. View your options, learn more and see if they meet your ideal.
Companies like e-Harmony and Match.com have advertisements all over the television, Internet, radio stations, etc. Telling people of all ages (18+) and marital statuses that they can be the solution to help with taking a state of singleness to a state of matrimony. Tell the provider about yourself, what you are looking for and leave the "hard" work to them. And yes, I'll be honest, I've fallen for their ploy and I've given the two providers mentioned above a try.
For those who've never done such a task - let tell you a little about it...
From their home page you create a user name (which can be your actual name or a name you create - I say use something creative) and password - this is not an unusual process when registering for anything on-line. Next, you are prompted to create a profile of yourself telling things like your city, age, marital status, ethnicity, height and weight (yeah right - like I'd ever tell someone that, my doctor is lucky to know this detail!), interests, religion, salary (again, not something I share freely), drinking and smoking habits, and the list goes on. You then create a profile of your "ideal" mate - answering similar questions. You give brief answers to questions like...tell us the last book you read, your occupation (never say where you work), your favorite hot spots or destinations, your religion, your interests/hobbies, etc. Then you get to post one, two or several pictures of yourself, your pets, your last vacation - whatever you want. Thankfully all content written and pictures are reviewed by the provider before they are actually posted - to make sure that they are appropriate and not distasteful. After you've entered all those details you can search (with the exception of e-Harmony) for hours to find your date and/or future mate. Searching is usually free - so search to your heart's content. You can search for people only in certain ages ranges, certain cities, within "x" number of miles from you, by ethnicity, religion and a combination of other specific categories. You can allow the provider to search their list of members to find people who are looking for someone like you and vice versa. You can search only by those who have pictures. Each day you can log on and find a group of new matches that you might be interested in. The search capability goes on and on. It can be very overwhelming - especially at first. But here is where the provider gets you - search all day and night if you want. But if you find someone and you want to communicate with them, which initially will be an e-mail sent via their e-mail system...communicating for free - well not so much. As with most things in life - there is a fee. And a potential costly fee at that - I'm talking like into the several hundreds of dollars with an automatic renewal at the end of your subscription....unless YOU personally go in and stop your subscription (be warned!). Of course the more you pay the longer your service. So I know you are asking...well have you ever paid? Yes, I've paid the fee - but being the cheap person that I am - only when they are running a promotional - like 3 months for the price of 1 month, and then after 3 months I've cancelled my subscription! E-Harmony has you answer TONS of questions and reaction questions. Then they search their "database" of people to find your "true" match. They then e-mail you potential matches. This process occurs until you completely disable your "account" with them. The research and e-mailing you parts are free...again its the communication part and beyond that has the fee. With both providers, if you find someone, you become comfortable with them you can meet - thus begins the non-virtual (actually traditional) dating process.
Through my adult single years people have made all kinds of comments about me being single (still working on the "things you don't say to a single person" blog) - comments like..."Why aren't you married?". "Don't you want to get married?". "You do realize that you aren't getting any younger,correct?". "Where is your husband? (see if I knew that answer I wouldn't be SINGLE!!! HELLO!!). "You should cook for some of these guys (as if there is a line out the door) and maybe they would marry you." - as if I've not tried this approach! Some what related to the previous comment..."how can someone that cooks like you still be single?" (yeah, that one I just looked at them and walked away). And of course the the one that prompted today's post..."Well have you ever tried the Internet?". So, there you have it inquiring minds who want to know - I've tried it and for those who are really curious - yes I've tried it more than once, more than twice!! Obviously, I've had no positive result to Internet dating. I have a standards of the person I want to marry - some standards are flexible, while others are not and one that is not is being a Christian. Very few Christians use this source of dating...especially since very few Christians (men especially, again) wait until after 30 to get married. I've found it difficult to met someone this way. I'm not saying this doesn't work - I know a few couples where this method has worked, they are happily married and have been for years. I'm just saying...I've tried it and it didn't work! Will I return to try again...probably not, but never say never.
So if you are single who has never tried this approach - I can say give it a chance. It will be a good exercise to see who and what you are looking for in a mate, and you will learn a few things about yourself as well. Outside of making a list of what I desire in a mate - this process has been very beneficial and eye opening to me. In addition, to finding a handful of potential mates - I will guarantee you MANY laughs. I've had many laughs through this process...it's amazing what people will say about themselves to draw your attention, and what kinds of pictures they will post - WOW!! But let me share some advise: be smart and use common sense - from selecting your user name, to answering questions for your profile, to communicating with potential dates and all the way to how much money you are going to spend. Be just as smart, if not more than, as you would if you were actually meeting someone in person and getting to know them outside of the vitural world. NEVER give out your address, employer's name, phone number, and maybe even establish a separate e-mail account for contact - nothing personal until you know and are comfortable with someone. If you meet someone - same rules apply - BE SMART...only meet them in public places, never at your house, place of employment or in a secluded area. No one is looking out for you - except for you...so BE SMART!! Be prepared that these services will fill-up your e-mail inbox with all kinds stuff - and not just limited to sending you matches, again another reason for having a separate e-mail account. And lastly, if you try it...best of wishes to you, maybe you will find your Harmonious Match!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment