Silver Bells...

"...soon it will be Christmas Day!".

Silver Bells is my most favorite Christmas Song (my favorite Christmas Carol is The First Noel), and I heard Silver Bells today on the radio for the first time this year!!! One of the radio stations in Columbus is already doing continuous Christmas (at least on the weekends right now). I of course am loving it, being the Christmas Enthusiast that I am. I heard Silver Bells and I turned it up to sing right along, and then the tears came. "The tears came?" you are asking yourself.

Well there is a story behind Silver Bells - as it relates to me. Growing up I had a very special Aunt, her names was Joanne. However as kids often do with names, my brother couldn't get Aunt Jo to come out correctly and it came out as Aunt Ho - and to this day that is the name she is called. I adored my Aunt Ho and she adored me...very much. I loved going to her house. Every other weekend I would go and spend the entire weekend with her and my Uncle De. In the summer I would spend 2-3 weeks in a row with them. Funny part is...they only lived about six streets away from my home. However, I LOVED, going to their house. I especially loved going at Christmas time. Aunt Ho was a Christmas Nut like myself - I think probably more so...therefore, I get this honestly! Her house would magically turn into a winter wonderland. She wrapped empty boxes, bricks and anything else she could think of to make it appear as if there were packages all over the house. Her tree was silver aluminum and each year she would have a different color themed ornaments - some years blue, some red and some green. They had an electronic bird that would sit inside and make chirping noises - it was very unique. My Aunt Ho was the best cook - everything she made was wonderful, but my most favorite Christmas treat was her fudge...oh what I would do to have a piece of it right now!!! Each year the JC Penny's Christmas catalog would arrive and she would give the catalog to my siblings and I. We would each take our turn to mark the items that we wanted, and whatever was marked was sure to be under that tree on Christmas afternoon. Christmas was a HUGE deal to her, and I loved being at her house during the Christmas season. Each Christmas night I would stay the night to enjoy my new treasures all by myself. However, each year Santa left some extra presents upstairs for me, my Uncle would go and bring them down to me, and I'd have another mini Christmas. My Aunt would play records (yes the vinyl ones) on the record player all the time during the Christmas season and she would always tell me how Silver Bells was her favorite. She would listen to it over and over again. I just loved listening to the songs play over and over again. However God's plan was that Aunt Ho and I would only celebrate 7 Christmas afternoons/evenings together. On July 5, 1984 she had a stroke and massive heart attack, and that afternoon she slipped into eternity. I'm not sure if she was a believer...I would like to think she was, but she and my Uncle didn't attend church - unless one of us was performing; therefore, I'm very uncertain about her salvation. July 5, 1984 was a day that my life changed forever - it was the first time someone that I loved had passed away. My sisters and I were the ones who found her lying on her kitchen floor moaning. She had not passed away, she was still very much alive - but it was a scary sight for three little girls ages 8, 6 and 5. That next school year I was in Third Grade and I struggled greatly in school - I couldn't focus on my work and I had a hard time making friends. I missed her so much. I missed going and visiting her and my uncle. Because of what I saw that day - I was never able to go back to that house and not picture her lying on the linoleum floor. I never again spent the night in that house.

So now as a 32 year old women I love the song Silver Bells - it has been my favorite for many years. It takes me back to images, smells and memories that I will always hold dear in my heart. But it reminds me of this person that I loved greatly and I miss greatly...even after all this time. I often wonder what life would be like if she were still with us. How spoiled and bratty I would have become, as she gave me every material possession I wanted. She loved me (and my siblings) VERY much and giving us material items was how she best displayed that love. In a lot of ways I am very similar to Aunt Ho...which is both good and bad. Then that makes me think of the Aunt that I am today. I love Ashley, Hayden, Emily, Sophia, Elijah and Ayana as if there were my own children. I often tell Wendy and Kari that I can't even begin to imagine how much they love them - when I love them SO much just being the Aunt! I recently have begun to realize that my dreams of one day having my own children are quickly leaving the realm of reality. I'm realizing that those six precious lives (and those of Jenni's babies one day) maybe the only lives I get to 100% love and influence as if they are my own. They will be my legacy - they will carry on the traditions that I've created and carried on. I want to give them wonderful memories. I want them to think of times we shared together reading childhood books, walking to the park, going to a movie, making cookies, watching baseball games, playing board games, just hanging out, trips to get school supplies or just general shopping, going on vacations and all the hundreds of other wonderful things have done and will get to do in the future. I want them to remember always that I love, support and root for them with my entire being. I want to give them material things - but more importantly I want to provide them with spiritual and emotional gifts. I want to be a Godly example to them and for them to know that I pray for them all the time. I want to be the person they can come ask those questions that you're not so sure you can ask your parents - but you need an adult to talk about. I want to invest in their lives so deeply, that one day after God has called me Home - they will turn up the radio to sing and remember when they hear Silver Bells for the first time that year.

Dear God - Thank you for the love my Aunt gave to me when I was such a little girl, and how I can still remember that love and impact - even though she has been gone for many years. Thank you even more for allowing me to be called Aunt Meggie (or Meg by the older ones) and all that the "title" requires, allows and entitles me to - especially the endless hugs and kisses! God I pray that I will be the positive role model that you want me to be to these precious lives. God being Aunt Meggie may be the closest I get to "raising" a child, and if that is your plan, I ask that you help me as I walk down that road of realization and to provide me peace and understanding.