Alone...

Tonight was one of those times when being single felt like a curse.

I've had a fairly busy weekend, and coming home and relaxing wasn't a horrible idea - but it wasn't what I wanted to do. At least I didn't want to come home and be alone. When it is just me at home there is a lot of silence - unless the TV or radio are on. When I come home the house is empty - and I guess if it is just me coming home I would prefer that no one be there waiting - you know an "unwelcome, unexpected visitor". Many ladies my age - would consider this a luxury - but they have a husband and/or a family, so they don't see quiet and emptiness in the same light as me. Don't get me wrong - I had a great day today. Lunch with the family at our usual local...Wendy's. I wore a new orange sweater (that I love) and many people complimented that they like it - always nice to hear (especially when you are single and wonder if anyone will like your new something or other). Our ladies group was good and the discussion left me thinking. But as I walked out of church, I didn't want to come home. I sat in the car for a moment and wondered what I could do. Most stores were closed or would be closing. I wasn't overly hungry - so I probably should get something to eat. I didn't want to do anything spectacular, I just wanted to go some place and talk to someone - not about any one specific topic - I just wanted to talk. I really wanted to go and enjoy a cup of Tim Horton's Hot Chocolate (my favorite!), but that is kind of boring by yourself on a Sunday night - there aren't that many people to watch (I love to people watch). I did entertain the thought of going and reading...but I didn't have book with me - and honestly I knew that wouldn't cure the hankering that I had. I know I could have gone to someone in family's house - but sometimes I feel like I'm interrupting their night of settling down and getting ready for the week. I know that's not true, they would all allow me to come and visit any time. But tonight - I just wanted to not be in my home or someones home - just wanted to be out with people sharing a cup of hot chocolate, our thoughts/perspectives and some laughter. I just wish if God couldn't send me a mate, he could at least send me someone that I could spend some time with - someone to share these "I don't really want to go home alone" with moments.

Well before I knew it I found myself pulling into the carport of Villa de Megalicious - all roads were leading me home. Home to silence, home to emptiness. I was kind of sad - but I do have laundry that is waiting for me. I guess tonight just wasn't the night to go...maybe another night!