A Year and A Half - Seriously?...

Has it really been a year and a half since I last blogged...WOWZAS!!  I sure have missed it, and much has happened in my life.  Let's see since December 30, 2011 I've...

• kept up some on 40x2016 goals...to name a few - lots of recipes are happening in the Megalicious kitchen, I've built a shoe organizer and assemblied my garden hose housing unit, learned to trim the front bushes (self-taught...thank you very much...and I only distroyed one extension cord).  I remain looking to accomplish these;
• been promoted to Executive Administrative Assistant.  I was already doing many aspects of the job, so it was a nice to get the title (officially)...and a compensation reward as well;
• paid off my car...HUGE deal and a reminder of God's faithfulness of provision to me!!;
• started studying for the Certified Professional Secretaries Exam, which I'll take on Saturday, November 2.  This will be a great accomplishment, and if I pass I plan to take the Organizational Management test the Spring, 2014. Both would be great assets to starting a Personal Assistant business;
• gone through another time of depression, and it is a daily struggle to overcome...but each day is better, and those days that aren't - well I have the next day to look forward to...Winter 2012/2013 was extremely rough;
• followed God's leading and in June, 2012 left the church I'd known my whole life.  It was one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done spiritually and emotionally.  But God is growing me, breaking me and molding me to bring glory to Him;
• found a new church to call home, and I'm growing...but I want to grow so much more - and I'm looking forward to the summer bible study program they are offering.  I'm hoping to meet new people...maybe even that someone special kind of people - ahem!  But that's not the focus (well not totally...but I will be keeping an eye out!)
• watched my family grow physically and numerically.  Well the numerical part will come on August 1st when my sister will marry the love of her life, who happens to also be one of my very best friends, during a sunset ceremony on the beach in Marco Island, FL!  I'm so excited for them!! The nieces and nephews are growing physically (all but three are now taller than me), emotionally and intellectually - what a blessing to be a part of their lives.  One niece graudated High School and will start college in the fall...so stinkin' proud of that young lady;
• watched my parent's age - this hasn't been easy;
• been re-certified in CPR, along with a good friend...have no fear when I'm around;
• found myself with a lot of free time, so I'm trying to figure out how to fill it - but not too much...been taking some classes to learn things I've always wanted to learn, attending a few ladies Bible studies and finding my way around the kitchen even more so than usual;
• organized a few different service projects for my family - with one being last summer when we made 60 sack lunches and took them to homeless people throughout the C-bus area...talk about a humbling experience.  It was the hottest day of the entire summer - temps were well over 100*...thankfully we had cold bottles of water to give them as well.  The thing I learned most that day - individuality is important to a homeless person...almost all of them instantly shared their name with us.  Almost to say - "there is a name that goes with this face, and that makes me just like you...I'm a person, not a group!";
• not done much traveling - that I can think of...although I feel like I did...maybe that is just wishful thinking;
• experienced the strained seperation of a beloved family member.  For a long time I tried to fix the situation myself; however, I learned that I had to give it ALL to God...and that's what I've done.  Only God can change the heart and that is my prayer;
• lived at Villa de Megalicious (VdM) for 5 years now - again another reminder of God's faithful provision to me;
• remained single - not by choice.  "Single and Desperately Looking" The desire to marry has intensified greatly, and the reality of my loneliness is there everyday...but I'm trusting God to provide in this area.  I'm trying to do a few things to make myself more "out there"...like visible - not like..."oh that girl is out there!"  So we will see!!; and
• started blogging again...after a long sabbatical.  I've have probably missed a few things...but these seem to be the highlights that are coming to me right now! 

I hope I still have some followers, and if I do - it's nice to be back with you again!  Until we meet again...

"A Year in the Life..."

Here i sit at my computer, on a semi-cold December day {we've had many of those to date}, with less than 48 hours remaining in 2011.  WOW what a year! Where did it go?  Have you ever heard the term "bag of mixed emotions"?  Well I feel that has been this year. I have experienced many happy moments, many ubberly exciting moments, moments when my heart hurt, moments filled with total agony - sadness - loneliness and defeat,  moments of pure bliss and joy, moments of anxiousness, and moments of total peace and calm.

January started with Ayana going forward to accept Jesus Christ as her Savior, and Sophia going forward to be baptized!  Talk about starting the year off right!! WOOT WOOT!! January also held the Ohio State Football Buckeyes winning the BCS Sugar Bowl - in the midst of a scandal, NCAA investigations and daily developments to the story that broke right before Christmas.{Little did we know what the rest of 2011 would bring to the beloved Buckeye football team}.  I was part of a conspiracy, towards the end of January...on a very cold January Sunday night I drove to CMH to pick-up my friend, Beth.  She was coming home, from China, as a surprise to her family during her break at Chinese New Year!  What a sweet reunion in the airport, and the Megmobile was full of giggles and excitement as we drove as quickly as legal to her parent's home. The best part was standing outside in the middle of the frozen ice covered street, and hearing her mom scream with excitement and surprise as she ran into their home yelling "HAPPY NEW YEAR"!!  It was by far one of the coolest things I've done to date!

February allowed me the opportunity to participate in a breakfast at the kiddos school.  It was very cool to be back in the lunchroom that I ate in as an elementary student and to see the kiddos in their element.  February was probably the month that held the most life changing events for me, as it started my quest to a healthier lifestyle. Thanks to a program at work that encouraged healthier life decisions - and offered a reward of $200 off your Medical Premium in 2012, if you met their challenge.  Since I'm a sucker for ways to save money, I began looking at my life in terms of getting healthy with the reward of saving money as motivation! {Btw - I met the challenge requirements in May...WOOT WOOT!}.  The doctor challenged me to loose 60 POUNDS!!  He knows I'm a control freak - so he took the opportunity to remind me that there are only a few things in my life that I can control, and one of them is food.  He then told me, "and you aren't controlling it."  Those words put me right into my place, and changed my way of thinking.  I've not had a regular soda since February, {accept the one I accidentally drank on Christmas - because I thought the can was diet...oops}, and regular soda was my "lifeline" or so I thought.  My food choices are smarter - I still eat many of the things I want, but I have to account for those in my daily points, so I'm thinking before I'm eating.  Everything in moderation. To date I've lost 35 pounds.  I wanted to do this slow and steady - I want it to be a lifestyle change...not a flash in the pan kind of thing.  Jenni and I began walking on Monday evenings, and I must say I feel much better physically and mentally.  Sophia was baptized in mid-February, and her Dad was able to be there to witness it...little did we know that would be one of his last visits to IBC for several years, as a few days later he was arrested for Aggravated Vehicular Assault - relating to the accident he was involved in the Fall of 2010.  Bringing many court hearings and legal sessions to both he and Kari - as she filed for full custody of the Kiddos {which was granted in September}.

March allowed me to use my planning skills to assist Jenni as she hosted Lisa's Bridal Shower.  It was a beautiful event!  I took on the task of making cupcakes - and I found the best buttercream recipe ever....I've used it several times since.  The cupcakes and the shower were a hit by all who attended.  March again allowed me to volunteer at the Nationwide Children's Hospital Infusion Weekend at Deercreek.  I returned to the craft room, and enjoyed seeing old and new faces alike.  March also brought a return to Hocking Hills for Ryan, Jenni, Tim, Lisa and I - and Reece too.  We once again had a relaxing weekend, filled with beautiful weather, delicious food, hours of March Madness Basketball and plenty of laughter.  It was a nice break in the routine of life - especially right before Tim and Lisa's wedding six weeks later.  Steve, Wendy, Jenni, Kari and I participated in the Channel 10 Commit to Be Fit Challenge as the Flabbiless 5.  We didn't win the contest, but we all lost weight - and that alone was a great reward!

April seems to have flashed right past.  I hosted my first non-family overnight guests early in the month - with some of the IBC teen girls.  It was nice to have other noise bellowing throughout VdM in the morning.  After the girls left VdM - I headed to Mom and Dad's for what was supposed to be a day of shopping - but plans changed.  While eating a piece of warmed coffee cake Mom experienced what we thought at the time to be a Stroke.  I must say it was the SCARIEST moment of my life - I was there as the entire episode unfolded, and I must be honest that thoughts of loosing my Mom that day filled me with fear.  Thankfully after many tests and scans, we found out that what she experienced was a reaction to something that she was eating and the physical temperature of the food - it was a natural reaction the body has  to something that is too hot or too cold, and the symptoms are all similar to that of a Stroke.  Since I love to cook/bake I decided I would prepare Easter Dinner for the family this year - a task I thoroughly enjoyed!  The following weekend I had the honor of assisting two of my best friends on their wedding day.  Tim and Lisa's wedding was beautiful, romantic and true reflection of their love for each other!!  I also challenged myself with 40 goals to accomplish before May, 2016...this is the gift I gave to myself of birthday in May.  I've worked towards many of them and have a accomplished a few, but I need to make greater strides at accomplishing them on a more regular basis.

May {my most favorite month}began with Breaking World News.  I'll never forget - it was a Sunday night, and I was in bed early still trying to recover from the events of the weekend {Tim and Lisa's wedding}.  I had the TV on for background noise, but was reading through cookbooks {hard to imagine, I know!}, and Brian Williams (NBC News Anchor) broke in and said, "President Obama will be addressing the country within the hour".  I found this to be rather importantly odd and very much unsettling - I mean it was 9:00 p.m. on a Sunday evening...not many addresses from a President come on Sunday evenings at almost 10:00 p.m. that probably are of some tragic capacity.  My attention was now half on the cookbooks and half on staying "tuned in" awaiting the address.  After several delays the President took the podium and addressed the nation and the world, announcing that US Navy Seals had captured and killed Osama Bin Laden earlier that day - peace filled my mind, fear filled my mind.  Hayden finished his first year of college at ODU in mid-May, and had his first Spring and Summer without baseball, since he was four.  I also co-planned a Mother/Daughter Luncheon at IBC for the Saturday following Mother's Day...it was a nice event, and enjoyed by many.  May also held my 35th Birthday - YIKES!!  I hosted a birthday party for my family and some friends at my favorite past time location - outside of the kitchen - Outside the Lines Creative Studio.  I think everyone enjoyed it...and some have even gone back on their own!   Jim Tressel was fired as the Ohio State Football couch on Memorial Day weekend, as part of the continuing scandal that broke loose in December, 2010 - Luke Fickell was announced as Interim Couch for the 2011 Season.

June was a super busy month!  The first Tuesday in June brought a dream of mine to reality.  I planned, coordinated and hosted a Summer Bible Study at Villa de Megalicious on Tuesday evenings for teen girls going into or already in High School.  It was a blessing and challenge - all at once.  We studied "Lies Young Women Believe: and The Truth that Sets them Free".  I had 4 girls who attended/participated each week. I'm hoping to continue a similar ministry this summer as well.  In addition to the Bible Study, I also spent most non-working hours finalizing plans for VBS at IBC!  Emily, along with the IBC teens spent a week in Utah doing Backyard Bible Clubs - and I was happy to work with the Bible Teachers to get them ready for their ministry.  Their week show an increase in attendance each night and more of a connection to the church with the kids in that neighborhood - but best of all, it held the Spiritual Birthday of one of the kids who attended!.  June held a small cut in Kari's apron strings, as Sophia attended her first year of Summer Camp at Scioto Hills - and had great week of growth both developmentally and spiritually.

July means extended amounts of sunshine, lots of time at the pool, yummy food at picnics and fireworks!  And this year was no different!  Gold Rush 2011, was a great week of ministry at IBC and we saw 90 kids attend VBS.  IBC is blessed with many talented people that made my job of VBS Director.  We continue to reach out to the VBS attendees through various means in hopes of seeing many attend IBC on a regular basis and begin/restore/continue a relationship with Jesus Christ. Once VBS had come to an end, I had more time to enjoy the extended amounts of sunlight and free time in the evening.  Ayana played soccer this summer and loved it, so many Saturday mornings you could find me on the sidelines cheering her on.  Elijah began Mai Thai - and I was able to catch a couple of his classes as well.  The Kiddos spent a weekend with me, and we had a blast hanging at the pool, watching movies, walking to meet Jenni and Ryan for pizza, and just making memories!  The Bible Study continued on Tuesday evenings - and was always a highlight to my week.  The US State Department gave me permission to leave the country by granting me a passport - which worked out for plans I had made for August.

August brought a trip of a lifetime!  Ryan, Jenni, Tim, Lisa and I (C5) boarded a plane in the wee hours of Saturday, August 13 and headed to CANCUN, MEXICO!!!  OH it was wonderful, beautiful, peaceful, restful and every thing I thought it would be.  The water was crystal clear, the white sand sparkled like diamonds, the hot sun baked us to golden tans {some more than others}, the food was outrageously delicious, the people were hardworking and hospitable, the experiences of the culture were eye opening and the memories will last a lifetime!  August also brought one of the hardest days in the life of our family, as Terry (the kiddos father) was sentenced to four years in prison for his part in the accident from October, 2010.  This was and has been the hardest part of our year - helping the kiddos understand and grasp this reality - was not and continues to be something we face on any given day.  They are still very happy children, who are active in various activities and doing well in school.  But once again their normal changed - and they (we) are still adjusting to this new normal.  August brings the end of the Summer - and the start of a new school year.  Hayden started his Sophomore at ODU and looking at internships for the Summer of 2012; Emily became a Junior and has begun the college selection process; Sophia entered 3rd grade, she loves arts and crafts, and is looking forward to playing basketball in January 2012; Elijah began 2nd grade and continues to love math and Lego's, and is becoming a Hockey fan; Ayana entered 1st grade and has acquired a love for reading, she wants to be a teacher one day, and she continues to keeps us laughing with her random remarks to life. August ended by celebrating Gabriella's first birthday.   She is such a joy to our family and is growing so quickly. Her smile and personality are such a blessing to all of us.  She knows how to say "more", "eat" and "thank you" in sign-language...in addition to learning to speak some basic 16 month words.

September began with Kari and the kiddos spending Labor Day Weekend Saturday with me poolside at VdM!  We swam and soaked int the sun all day, ending the day with meeting Jenni for dinner that evening - it was a great day!  Elijah decided he wanted to (as he says it) "show everyone that I (he) am a child of God's", and went forward for baptism.  September also had me on the road again!  As if Cancun wasn't enough the C5 filled a mini-van with duffle bags, coolers of cold beverages and containers of snacks - and headed for Nashville!  We toured the Opyland Hotel and the Grand Ole Opry - where we sang "You are My Sunshine" on the stage.  We walked all over Downtown Nashville and toured the Country Music Hall of Fame.  Again, it was a great weekend!  The next weekend found me meeting another food challenge - planning, preparing and cooking breakfast for the BFL/MRC Board and volunteers.  I had been looking forward to this challenge for a long time!  Everyone seemed to enjoy the food and I had several ask for recipes and if I catered or would consider catering other events!  OH YIKES - not sure if I'm ready for all of that...I just LOVE to cook/bake for others!  The Ohio State football team had a rough start to what was a very rough season.  I returned as an IT leader, again this year.

October was a semi low-key month.  I enjoyed the slow pace of the month.  I took some time off towards the end of the month and enjoyed time of relaxation.  I was able to go apple picking with Steve and his family, along with Wendy's Mom, Dad and Step-Mom...one of my favorite Fall Activities! The annual Thornton Family Harvest Party was again a highlight to kicking off the upcoming Thanksgiving/Christmas season.  The kiddos allowed me to join them for Trick-Or-Treat again this year, and that was a lot of fun!  I enjoyed the Missions Conference at IBC and the IT Missionary Progressive Dinner.  The semi low-key schedule also allowed me to "get in" several of Emily's Volleyball games - where is was co-Captain of the Varsity team. 

November brought Elijah getting baptised!  It is always a highlight and blessing when you see someone in your family following Christ, in this act of obedience.  Since there were no  movies out that I wanted to see, I enjoyed pizza and movies at VdM on Veteran's Day.  Ryan turned 30 this year - but he didn't allow for a big party.  Heaven became a sweeter place on November 12, when Joan lost her battle with cancer and entered the joy of her reward.  Thanksgiving Day I spent having breakfast with Mom, Dad, Jenni, Kari and the Kiddos - then went to Jenni's for the morning and most of the afternoon to look at ads and make our plan of attack.  Jenni, Kari and I went, saw and conquered Toys R Us that evening- and then Jenni and I met up with Ryan (later joined by Tracy, Emily and Katie) at Kohl's.  We shopped for about an hour and waited in line for another three...okay we were still able to shop during those three hours, depending on which section of the store we were in.  Kohl's was followed by hitting up Steak-n-Shake at 4:00 a.m., then off to Old Navy at 5:00 a.m..  I was in bed by 6:00 a.m., and got up at 11:00 to hit the stores again - Kari joined us again that afternoon!  The Thornton Family Thanksgiving was a great time as usual,, with good food and lots of laughter, on the Saturday after Thanksgiving...even though the Buckeyes lost to the team up North for the first time in 10 years.  The T.E.A.C.H. team did a wonderful job of using their talents to minister in Jr. Church for the month...it is such a joy to watch the teens willingly use their gifts to honor God and minister to others.

December of course brought everything Christmas!  But before that, came the announcement of Urban Meyer as head coach of the Ohio State Football Team....later in the month we learned that Ohio State would be made an example of by the NCAA, and their decision of punishment on the scandal that had broken one year before.  The Christmas Concert at IBC was a great way to  kick off the Christmas season...we are so blessed by many beautiful musical talents.  Many in the family kept the tradition of sorting cards at IBC alive for the 24th year - we sorted over 1,700 cards this year.  Christmas Eve at Jenni's included the addition of Ryan, his parents, brothers and Grandma Betty - we had a great time of food, games and lots of laughter.  Christmas Eve also took Steve's family back at Wendy's dad's  - which was a blessing for them!  Christmas Day was filled with our traditions at Kari's, Church and then to Mom and Dad's for the family gift exchange.  Later that evening some of us headed downtown for our annual visit to the State Auto Nativity and ended the night playing The LOGO Board Game.  I've taken my traditional week-off from work, and I'm enjoying lots of time with family and relaxation.

2011 was the year of mixed emotions and new challenges - some self-imposed and others not so much, but I must admit, it was all in all a great year!  2012 is going to be a year of BIG changes for me, HARD changes - but changes that need to be made.  However, I know that I will not walk this road alone - God will lead me and is leading me in these changes, and I'll have my family and friends to hold me up physically and emotionally when the road gets too steep. 

Good-bye 2011 and Hello 2012!

Singled Out...

Last weekend I attended a wedding.

Weddings are always a very bittersweet event for me.

I'm always excited to celebrate with the happy couple! I can't wait to see the beautiful dress! The way the church and reception hall are decorated! The smile on the Bride's face that lights up the room! The pride of the Groom watching his Bride walk down the aisle!

I'm reminded of my singleness. I'm reminded of the void in my life - that I long to fill. I'm sitting alone - filled with love to offer someone, yet no one wants my love. I'm one of only a few my age that's not been given this gift. I'm reminded of my incompleteness as the Pastor talks about how the couple coming together complete each other.

Last weekend I attended a wedding and two things happened that singled out, my singleness.

After the wedding, a lady approached me in the parking lot - handed me a baseball glove and smiled...actually laughed as she handed it to me. I asked what it was for - she said, "its to help you catch the bouquet". And then laughed some more, harder. I just looked at her. I really wanted to just cry. I really wanted to tell her how cruel that was. I really wanted to take the glove and smack her in the face with it - to be completely honest. Where did she find the humor in this? How would she feel if I made fun of or made light of a circumstance in her life that she wished were different? How would she feel if I were her daughter, and someone else did that to me? How would she feel if she knew that inside my heart, that was already tender, was now breaking into even smaller pieces because of her cruel joke. She continued to smirk, as I handed the glove back and said - "no thanks". Never once cracking a smile. I hope she got my point. I hope she saw my hurt - although I don't think she did.

I went to the reception. It was beautiful. The food was very good. The traditional dances began - first dance, father/daughter mother/son. A special slow dance was played for all the married couples - it was nice. The couple married the longest had been married for 54 years - and they were dancing as if it were their wedding day. Then the DJ announced that another slow song would play. This time for those who aren't married. I realize that was for dating couples, friends who dance together, etc. But did they really have to choose a slow song for the single people in the room to dance to - it just rubbed me the wrong way. I was probably overreacting and being ultra sensitive - those are the usual comments single people get when their feelings are hurt on that subject, we aren't supposed to allow our feelings to be hurt - apparently. I said "oh yeah - who are the single people supposed to dance with to a song like this - when it's just them". Someone at the table said I could dance with my sister. That comment just burned through me like a flaming sword. Between the situation in the parking lot and that comment my feelings were now officially stomped to the ground and hurt. How can people be so inconsiderate? Don't they know that singles already feel alone, unwanted and not worthy of the gift of love? I reacted - and my words were harsh. I was wrong for not controlling my words or emotions. When others at the table went to get cake - I left. I didn't want to be in this place any longer. I didn't want to have to force a smile - when inside I just wanted to hide in the darkest corner and cry. So I left - the room was dark and I could sneak out. Actually, when I left no one even said goodbye - they probably didn't see me leaving, and I was okay with that. I need to just leave. I know it sounds like I was making it all about me - but I wasn't...others were making it all about me by their comments.

The next day at church immediately after the service the person who made the comment - approached me with tears in their eyes and apologized. They were very sincere. They said they didn't mean to offend me, they just wanted me to be able to dance. I accepted their apology, and I apologized for my reaction.

The lady with the baseball glove...she probably still thinks it's funny and has no idea how much it hurt. She actually did the same thing that same day, in a similar manner to another single person while they waited to be dismissed from the ceremony - it hurt them too. But they were stronger than me - they were able to appease the lady and give a little laugh.

Moral of this Story: For someone who longs to be married - singleness is not a laughing matter...and the last thing a single person wants to be is the punch line of some one's "single" joke and singled out.

40 by (May) 2016 – 40 Goals to accomplish by the time I’m 40!!!...

Well my birthday is soon approaching...it's not for another month and a half, but it's on my mind - I LOVE birthdays, especially MINE! Although I must admit I'm not - or I should say, I wasn't - looking forward to this one...its a milestone birthday! And quite honestly, I wasn't happy about it's arrival, because there were two things I wanted most of all to be present in my life by this time - and they aren't. I NEVER thought I would be 35...single (not even a perspective date in sight), and childless. When I was younger and dreamed of life at this age - I dreamed of marriage and a house full of children (4 minimum). But that's not what God has planned for my life, and I've really struggled with this for some time now...more and more as the birthday gets closer.

Each year for my birthday, I get myself a gift...I mean why not? I work hard, stay busy serving with my ministries and serving the Lord, and usually put others before myself - so why not buy myself a gift every once in awhile!! But this year as I've thought about what I wanted - I thought what I would do, is give myself a gift that will take me 5 years to accomplish...that's right 5 years!!! Okay I'll be honest...I usually like the instant gratification, especially when it relates to gifts!! I should note that I'm stealing this idea, sorta, from a fellow blogger - so I must admit the idea is not original to me - but the plan of action is completely original and 100% related to me. I've decided that I would set 40 different goals for myself and work towards achieving each one before I turn 40 in May, 2016. I feel like all of these goals are very attainable and very realistic. Some of these goals are fairly simple and will easily be obtained in no time - while others will take a lot of dedication, hard work and commitment. Some will allow me to use my time giving back to others in ways I've wanted to, but haven't because I am Single - for example, I've always wanted to lead a Ladies Bible Study, but I've never been asked because I'm Single and apparently can't relate to other women - so instead, I'm going to use this desire and my passion for teen girls to lead a Summer Bible Study for girls 8-12th grade - with the hopes of it becoming a yearly "event" each Summer. Some are items that I've just always wanted to do and I've not taken the time to for whatever reason. Some will allow me to enjoy my home and allow others to enjoy it as well - I hate being at home alone. However, God has provided me with a beautiful home that I pay for each month - I need to enjoy it, care for it and I need to use it serve and glorify Him...so instead of keeping myself so busy that I'm never home, I'm going to allow myself time to be at home and also have others into my home on a more regular basis through various things. I'm also going to take some time to learn some things that I've always wanted to learn and accomplish some tasks that I've always told myself I could never do - like change the oil in my car or build something with tools - YIKES!.

My list of goals will be a gift I give to myself - it will allow me to use my desires, passions, gifts and talents to show myself that I do have a place in this world...even if I'm walking alone. So as I accomplish or work towards different goals - I'll blog about it! Which, blogging more is a goal that I've set, because I love it and it allows me to speak, when usually I'm very silent at home...a one way conversation never gets too far!! :)

Spiritual Growth, Ministry or Community Involvement

1. Lead a Teen Girl’s Bible Study in the Summer for 5 years


2. Meg’s Meal Ministry - 1) One monthly meal in home with dinner guest(s); 2) One monthly meal provided outside of the home to friends, family, neighbors or those in need; and 3) Provide dinner once a year at the Ronald McDonald House


3. Get to know my neighbors by name and something about them


4. Become involved in my Community Association


5. Memorize 35 different passages (series of verses or whole chapters) of scripture


6. Start a Hospitality Ministry


7. Disciple a teen girl one-on-one


8. Provide monthly support to a missionary or missionary endeavor, with the goal being to support two in the end of five years


9. Go on a Mission’s Trip and/or spend a week one week one summer working in a Camp Kitchen


10. Hold a Backyard Bible Club

Educational or Professional

1. Take and complete two certificate programs @ CSCC


2. Start my own business

Just to say I can do it…

1. Build something


2. Learn how to change the oil in my car

Organization, Arts/Crafts, Hobbies or Life Skills

1. Try one new recipe each month and blog about it


2. Create and keep a weekly, bi-weekly, monthly and quarterly cleaning, household maintenance and seasonal decorating schedule


3. Host and lead a cooking/entertaining/hospitality class in my home


4. Grow a container veggie garden


5. Make smart financial decisions – learn to coupon and reduce my spending


6. Learn to Can


7. Learn to sew by hand and with a machine


8. Re-organize Villa de Megalicious – and simplify


9. Create 5 original recipes


10. Grow an herb garden


11. Remodel my main bathroom


12. Make homemade gifts for Christmas for each person on my list

Recreational or Healthy Living

1. Blog…more!


2. Allow for at least 2 weeknights per week to be at home for the majority of the evening


3. Allow for one Friday night or Saturday a month for myself


4. Read 10 new books – outside of books read for Bible studies/ADG classes and blog my review


5. Implement and keep an exercise routine


6. Paint my guest room - yes this is in the right spot...if I don't do this soon - I will go crazy(ier); therefore, this falls under Healthy Living!


7. Attend various festivals in Ohio each spring, summer and fall – that I’ve always wanted to go to but never taken the time


8. Travel outside of the country


9. Find an activity to do with each niece and nephew, individually to spend some quality time on a regular basis


10. Go to Washington DC – preferably in the Spring to see the Cherry Blossom


11. Learn to not feel guilty when I say “no” or “not right now” - again part of Healthy Living!


12. Have dinner with all of my siblings, at least once every three months. Just the five of us (including my SIL here!)


13. Buy and regularly ride a bicycle


14. Establish and use a Recycle center/system at home - yet again...Healthy Living!

So there you have it...my 40 by (May) 2016!! It's going to be a FUN 5 years!!! On my mark, get ready, get set and...GO!!!!

Failing...

I was never, nor will I ever be, an all "A" student! Super duper to all you out there who are! Two gold stars for you! However, I was a faithful "B" or "C" student - I worked very hard to get those grades, and my parents knew it...so they never pushed me to get straight "A" - but they did encourage me to do my best, and if they knew I could get an "A"...they gently nudged me that way. However, I never wanted to see a "D" on my report card - and most definitely never an "F". Thankfully, I never saw either! Because to me those were failing, and I've always been afraid of failing. Which is why I'm not really one to be the first one on the dance floor, to be the first to share, and you'd never see me play a sport. It's not because I don't like them - it's because I was afraid I'd fail. I've always been one to have many great ideas - but I'm too afraid to try...for instance, I've always dreamed of having my own business but I never have...because,what if I fail?

However right now I feel like I'm failing, and I'm so discouraged. I'm so angry right now. Those who don't know me well probably don't see it - but those who do...know I'm struggling. Someone told me earlier this year that I needed to be more transparent, to show people that I struggle. I don't like to do that - it shows I'm weak and that I have failures. But actually it only shows I'm human. So hear we go...

Recently, I baked a cake from scratch for my sister's birthday - and this cake was the detail that sent my heart and mind full force into failure mode. My sister wanted a yellow cake with chocolate icing. I thought "Done!". I can handle this - I've done it several times. Cake & Icing from scratch - no problem! (Although from scratch was not what she required) Since I didn't have a yellow cake recipe I was set on making - I searched for the perfect cake. She kept telling me a box mix is just fine. "NO! That's boring!" (those who know me - know I thoroughly enjoy making everything from scratch). So I found the recipe> I studied it. Read comments about it and adjusted my recipe to match some of the suggestions. I made the cake - the batter was a little runny, but it was still cake batter consistency. It looked and tasted delish in batter form. The cake baked at just the right amount of time, and looked perfect! As they cooled I made the Chocolate Fudge icing! Soon the cooled cake was iced. Everything looked perfect. However later on when it was time to eat the cake - I realized something wasn't right. I could barely get the candles in the cake. I'm serious when I say I had to shove them into the cake. I began laughing outside - but inside I was dying...I was crying, how embarrassing - I FAILED. I wanted this to be perfect for my sister, who does so much for me, and this cake was hard...like as a brick, not like hard to make. Finally I got the candles into the cake. We turned the lights off and sang. And then it was time to cut into this cake. It was solid - I mean not a crumb came off this cake and it stood perfectly still during transition from platter to plate. It looked horrible. It tasted even worse - it was solid and you couldn't really swallow it. I continued to laugh - because I knew if I stopped laughing I would burst into tears. I held it together for the rest of the celebration. But once I hit the car - hours later - the tears came. Okay so I know you are probably thinking - "wow, that's a little emotional over cake". But you see it wasn't the cake, exactly, it was a combination of many things that have led up to that cake. I feel like in so many areas of my life - I'm starting to see where I've failed, and where I'm failing. I'm crushed. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm mad. I feel I've failed in many things...but the two I'm struggling with right now are...

As a friend I've failed - I love my friends. It takes me a long time before I will call someone my friend. Because I have to learn to trust a person. In reality - I only have a few true friends, and I have MANY close acquaintances. My friends are my third layer of my foundation...God, Family and Friends. Since I'm older than most of my friends...I try to be an encouragement to them. I try to be an example to them. I try to always be there for them. I try to remember things in their life. Like...a big sister. However, I'm finding out that in my approach I'm failing my friends, because apparently they feel as though they can't be real with me. Within the last year, I've learned some things about my friends that aren't necessarily things I would do with my life. Does it make them wrong and me right - NO. Doesn't even make them wrong. They are just different choices than I would make. Yet, I still love them and I'm not going to judge them - (we are required to compare our lives to Biblical standards, NEVER to judge...that's God's job). If they asked for my opinion, I would share it - but it doesn't change how I feel about them or how I see them. It hurt even more when I found out that others knew and had known for a long time - months, even years about this. I was crushed. Not because I wasn't the first to know - but because everyone knew and I didn't. It was like a big joke once I found out - people even laughed that I finally knew. That hurt so bad. But apparently they feel they can't share these things with me. How horrible. How sad. That my friends don't even feel they can be 100% honest with me. At some point I must have done or said something that makes them feel they can't share these things. The same friend who told me I needed to be real, is the same friend who said - "well we don't share things with you because you are so perfect". I'M NOT PERFECT! I'M NOT! But yet they felt like not telling me was okay. I'm a big girl folks - I deal with real life stuff every day. The last thing I need is for my friends to feel they can't be who they are in front of me - all of the time. They ask me to be real -yet, how am I supposed to be 100% real with struggles that I have when they aren't being real with every day things that they do. Some where along the way I've failed, and I'm not the friend I thought I was or tried to be. Seems it bit me in the butt for caring too much to take a stand, or encourage a friend to have a closer walk with God, a life without so much drama, or just simply to show that I cared no matter what they say or do.

As a woman I've failed - Women were created to be a helper to a man. Women were created to have children. Women were given the desires to be both of these things...at the time of my birth it was naturally given to me by God to have the desire to want to marry and have children. Yet it's a desire that God hasn't fulfilled - nor has he taken away. SO for those who say "maybe you are too focused on it", well you tell me how I can change a natural desire that I have...oh yeah, and I'm only going to listen if you know how I feel. Meaning you are either my age or older, are single and have no children. All the rest of you - well you don't understand! You don't get it and you never will. So for a moment - sit back and see what life is like for someone who desires so badly to have what you have - and can't get it, because God has said "NO." I'm now less than six months from my scary age of 35. I never in a million years would have thought at 35 I would be single and without a child. Since I was a little girl, all I dreamed about was being a wife and mother...and neither of those things have been given to me. I have no one in my life that could be a possible mate. The one relationship I did have in my life - he only wanted the benefits of having a girlfriend in private, but in public was too ashamed of me to tell his family or friends...and today people laugh about it and some don't even know it existed. And for those who are thinking it...no we did not have sex, and yes he was a Christian. For some reason God doesn't see fit for me to have this sort of love. And it hurts, it sucks! I'm not saying that I don't have love - I do...from my family and others around me. But I'm talking about the love of a husband. I know that God loves me - I know that...so I'm not talking about that type of love either. It just hurts to know that God didn't select me to be married. Before you start asking well where have you tried...I've tried everywhere - I've paid money to join Match.com and E-harmony, and how stewardly is that for months on end to pay $35+ for something that isn't working. I've tried everything...other than lowering my standards - God's standards. I could be like other young women that I know who want this so badly that they've settled for less than God's ideal or let the temptation of sex overtake them, only to find themselves pregnant outside of a marriage relationship. I could do those things - if I allowed myself to...but that's not what God's plan is for the life of His child. I'm not judging them - please don't get me wrong...I'm just saying, I've tried so hard to be faithful and to be patient...for 16 years I've waited, and tried to follow the design God has for marriage and children - yet nothing. Wow thanks! Thanks for noticing!! And what do I get as my reward...well let's see on May 21 - solely because I'm 35 - I will become high risk should I ever get pregnant. The likelihood of me getting pregnant decreases by several percentage points. The likelihood of me having a child with Downs Syndrome or another birth defects increases several percentage points. Then if those statistics aren't depressing enough - my risk of getting three different types of cancer increase several percentage points - solely because I've never had sex or had a child. WOW! What super benefits for being patient and waiting. Seems like your doomed if you and doomed if you don't. Don't get me wrong - I know God is powerful and he can/does provide healthy children to women over 35 and there are millions of single women who don't have cancer. I know this...but the reality of those statistics make me stop and ask WHY? I don't know - maybe God is saving me from heartache...but that heartache must be pretty big - because this heartache is almost too much for me to handle any more.

I know it doesn't sound like I'm applying the verses that I've learned since I was a in the toddler nursery. I've not forgotten them, or the truths of God's Word. But I'm being honesty here folks - and let's be honest - how many of us ALWAYS apply a Bible Verse instantly to a struggle we have. And isn't honesty about a situation what helps our hearts to heal to actually see where God is working and healing? Often times being honest - is being human, and that's how God made us - to be human. He never promised us a life filled with rainbows and unicorns...and sometimes we have to face the pain and hurt. In life we fail, all the time...and often we have the chance to fix it. I hope that some of my failures can be fixable, and those that can...I hope I can learn to live through them.

So there you have it...I'm being honest. Hopefully, I've not failed.

A Cluttered Mind...

I know I've not been here for a while...and it's not that I don't want to share. It's that my mind is so full and cluttered these days that I can't get my thoughts in order enough to post an update, share a story or express my feelings that don't sound like a bunch of ramblings. So instead I thought I'd share a song that has been very close to my mind in the middle of all that I am experiencing.

Please continue to pray for me...my need of job is so heavy on my mind that it's continually there being tossed about - like a wave in the sea during a storm... thankfully I'm able to sleep - but I'm not sure how long that luxury will last. However, as soon as I wake up - no matter the time of day or night...the reality is there. I feel like I can't even go to the store to purchase food or pay for a tank of gas without first wondering if I'm making the right decision or if I should spend less. The worry of getting injured or sick without medical insurance - paralyzes me. The thought of not having enough money to pay for the basic needs of my household and life - are overwhelming and suffocating me. I know God will provide - it's just the waiting for Him to provide that I'm struggling with. I'm a rather patient person - I've waited for much longer than 5 months for most of "big" things that I have in my life - but all of those some things didn't have a deadline attached to it, they didn't have an expiration date...it's when a deadline is attached that I have trouble with waiting...and now with only 12 working days left of guaranteed employment...my body is being over taken by fear, worry and burden. I've been clinging to the verses that reveal His promise of provision and supply...it's what gets me out of bed each day. It's just making the practical part of me, rest in these promises. So please pray!!

Transparency - Inside the Heart of A Single....

DISCLAIMER: This may be long, and it may seem to be a rambling...but hang with me.

One of the things I appreciate most in people is when they can be transparent. We all have areas in our life we wish we could hide - and at times keeping things hidden is necessary...but when transparency occurs, it allows others to see the real you...the good, the bad, they ugly and the beautiful.

During the last week a chain of events has brought me to the point of where I am at this moment...and while this won't be easy for me (a semi-private person), I've decided that I need to be transparent about a real issue in my life...more than an issue - my situation in life.

Recently, I've been struggling with something - a label that I felt some were giving to me, and it's not a label I've desired or ever wanted to have attached to my name. In recent months and weeks - I've had people make comments to or directed at me, leaving me to think that they saw me as a "Goody-Goody" (GG) and this has bothered me - because that label couldn't be less of the truth. Last week a friend had sensed that something may not be "okay", based on a FB status. So she e-mailed to ask if I was okay. Throughout our e-mail conversation I shared that I was struggling with the thought of others having this perception of me. I'll be honest - at first I was mad at myself for sharing - I don't like to share my struggles, I like to deal with them privately - until I'm ready to let someone else in. But I trust this friend and she was genuinely concerned so I shared. I mean isn't that what friends are for. In a response e-mail my friend was very open - sharing with me her perception on the situation, helping me to see thoughts through her window - as it related to this topic, and confirmed my thoughts about myself to be somewhat true. I so appreciated my friends honestly - but, UGH...I hated the reality. As I told my friend (in yet another follow-up e-mail)...I want others to see me as a good person, and someone that is mature in most areas of my life. But the perception of a GG is one that I find to be "...judgment, and not necessarily a compliment. I HATE the classification of a goody-goody because I find it can be very unattractive or unappealing to others. A goody-goody (generally) gets the reputation of being better than and above others, and not an approachable person. In addition, in a way I'm starting to see this as a HUGE reason as to why I'm single. I know it sounds crazy - but it's true. I've had guys (friends and potential more than friends) tell me "you are too perfect"...ugh, that drives me crazy - I'm NOT perfect, let alone too perfect!!!..." Through these e-mails, my friend encouraged me, that it might help others to see me in a different light - if I was more open to sharing some of the things I struggle with. So that others can see I am human, and that I do have areas where I struggle.

On a different day, but during yet another e-mail conversation with this same friend - my friend asked me some very direct questions about being single...my open thoughts and feelings. Then tonight at small group we cracked the surface of dealing with the elephant in the room - we are all (mostly) single. While I'm certain this wasn't on the small group leader's agenda - as it wasn't directly attached to tonight's topic...I'm certain it was on God's agenda for the evening. During my drive home, my mind took me back to the questions from my friend and how much I wished I could share my heart as openly with my small group as I could with my friend. And then I decided...I need to share this struggle (the biggest struggle that I face), I need to be transparent. Not to help with a perception of what others have - but rather to help others see the heart of a Single...more importantly the heart of this single.

So below are the questions of my friend, and my honest responses. These are my thoughts - keep in mind they may not be the thoughts of other singles. These are my human responses - and they may not be the "correct" response that some Christians think I should have. But I'm being honest - and honest isn't always what others perceive as the correct response. Please do not have pity on me or my responses - that is not my purpose for sharing.

Q. What does it feel like?
A. It's truly a bag of mixed emotions, depending on the day, the circumstance, the hour. It's like most situations in life you take it one day at a time - only I do it alone (yes I have family and friends, but ultimately I'm alone). Most days I'm okay with being Single - and others not so much. It's taken me a long time to get to the point of being okay with it. It truly wasn't until after I was 30 that I really started to come to terms with it. Generally speaking, I'm content being single (though I hope I'm not here forever) - I have to be...if I'm not content with what I have, God won't give me more. In addition, discontent is a sin. With that being said - there are days when I'm severely lonely and at times even numb I'm so lonely - I go through my routine, trying not to think about how much I long to be married. Not every day - but occasionally. Holidays are hard for me - especially Mother's Day - I so want to be a Mom. Then there are days when I'm fine with it being just myself...I can sleep in, I only have to get me ready, I can leave at 9:00 in the morning and come home at 11:00 at night - and only have my schedule to contend with...and I like that freedom. I must admit that evening/night time is hard for me - hence, filling my nights with something to do...although in the last year, I'm realizing that quality time at home
is SUPER nice and healthy. Going to bed alone makes me sad most nights - and not just for the physical reasons...but being single is much more real to me at that time. Sometimes when I watch TV and there is something funny, I laugh out loud and I wish I had someone there to laugh with or when I'm in a restaurant I wish I had someone to talk to about their day, and not just read a book or people watch. But I also enjoy the freedom that I can eat cereal for dinner if I want - I get to make the menu for myself and what I like. I like only having my schedule to worry about - but deep down I really do wish I had another schedule to consider. I have full control of the remote control, the volume of the radio, the position of the seat in my car, the entire bed to myself - which means there is only half a bed to make, all the ice cream is mine and I have tons of closet space. But I'd give it ALL up in a breath to feel the love of a husband and to have his companionship - to have someone to hold me in their arms in the morning and someone to kiss me goodnight, and to experience every moment in between - the good, bad, ugly, boring, ordinary, icky, hard, happy, sad moments of life. Currently (as I've shared before), I'm really having a hard time with the future job looming above. I know God will provide and I'm relying on Him. But the human part of me naturally has concerns and worry, as I wait. There are times in the middle of the night I wake up (or I can't sleep) and I want to talk about how it's going to work out, to come up with a back-up plan to the back-up plan, to have someone reassure me it's going to be okay - that it will all work out and to just experience this hurdle together. It's a lot of stress knowing that the bills to run my household are paid only by myself - and the thought of not having an income scares me. Satan knows me, what scares me and it's him who is making me worry and not have full rest.

Then there are just the every day things that drive me crazy about being single...for example I currently need my garbage disposal replaced (and have need it replaced since August) but the fact that I'm mechanically challenged, means when something breaks I have to rely on someone else to fix it - relying on their schedule. Going to the grocery store and not being able to finish eating or drinking something before it goes bad - items aren't packaged at the stores with Singles in mind! Then I feel like I'm not being a good steward of my money because I didn't finish the entire 1/2 gallon of milk or because I couldn't eat another night of leftovers so I threw something away. UGH - that drives me bonkers. But there are every day things that I can do - I can clean according to my standards and preferences, I can fold clothes to my standards and preference. I can cook food to my liking. I can even park at an angle in the carport, and no one can complain that I did't leave enough room.

The other main thing I wrestle with is becoming concerned only about me and how I want things done. When it's just my schedule or the menu is made to my liking - it's easy to get the "world revolves around me" attitude. So I'm trying to be more aware of this and I try to do things that don't cultivate that attitude or approach. I don't want to be old and single.

Lastly, There are times when those around me (speaking of married people here) say things or do things that make me feel so abnormal for being single, and those times hurt. It hurts a lot - at those times I really struggle. I mean who wants to abnormal? But I've learned that they don't understand, and that they just don't get it. So how can I expect any less of them or allow my feelings to be so hurt. I mean - I'm sure there are things that I say or do that could hurt a wife or a mother - and I don't even realize the hurt I've caused.

Being Single has perks, but it's also very hard in many aspects. But I try hard to not dwell on the hard, that would be bad for me on many levels.

Q. Do you feel disappointed?
A. Again it depends on the day. But I'm really learning (in the last few years) to deal with it. But honestly, I'd have to say yes. For as long as I can remember I dreamed of being married, having a house full of children (I always wanted at least 5) and living in the country. I love working, but I could easily be the stay-at-home Mom and being involved in all aspects of being a wife/mom. There were other ministries in the church where I wanted to be involved - one of them was to lead a mixed group of ladies Bible Study (I can't now because I can't relate to being a wife/mother). All of that was my dream for many years. I still have the dream - of being a wife and mom (and ministering), but the reality of it not being exactly as I thought it was going to be is very real too. You know like - not having 5+ children. So yes, it's disappointing. But I try to fill in those gaps - being an active involved part of my niece and nephews life, planning things, being involved in various ministries - especially those that allow me to work with kids/teens. It doesn't take the void away completely...but it helps.

I'm also disappointed for my Mom. I know that sounds silly - but I am. My mom so badly wants to have her children married with children - not because it's the correct thing in society's eyes...but so that we can know and experience what love truly is. It makes me sad that none of her daughters are married (or still married). Plus I want to be able to experience these things with my Mom. I just want her to be able to experience the other things that women her age have, and to not have to worry about us so much. As if a mother ever stops worrying.

Q. Do I feel let down by God?
A. Let down - No. Forgotten -YES!! Hurt - At times! I just wonder why this is God's plan? What have I done/not done to not deserve a husband/family? Why does he allow me to continue to have these desires, and yet He doesn't complete them? Again, I know the right answers here - God has a plan. God has a purpose of why. But those things don't always - actually never - make the hurt feel better. I see others getting what I so long for, and yet I continue to ask - and the answer is not right now. So again, I try to make the best of the situation and I just pray that I'm allowing God to use my singleness for His good. I can't wait until I "have" or get" to be involved in ministry or ministering. I admire the story and person of Ruth, and I try to pattern my life after her...God used her in her singleness and one day as a wife - I mean this was the line of which Christ came from. But no - I don't feel let down...just forgotten.

As with any status in life...Singleness isn't only doom and gloom, but it's also not sunshine and rainbows. My hope is that this blog has allowed you to see a small glimpse into the heart of me - a single girl...

Harmonious Match...

Dating has evolved through the years - as is the normal progression with most things. I mean trust me when I say, I'm so glad that pre-arranged marriages are no longer a common practice!! :) During my parents' generation a guy would ask a girl to go to the drive-in, local dance or football game, and dinner at the local diner. During my brother's generation (who is 8 years older than I) a guy would ask a girl to go to the Putt-Putt and then dinner at Pizza Hut. When I was in high school (16+ years ago) a guy would ask a girl to go______.... well I don't know. I didn't have one date in high school until the Senior Prom, and all of those details were worked out! :) But I'm sure it was something similar...a guy asked a girl to go out and do something that was hip (or should i say fly - a 90's term) to the early to mid 90's culture.

Of course all of this was before the Internet...when communication occurred in person, through a note passed during class, or on a phone, that being the family phone - not one that takes pictures or sends messages. You met people at school (high school or college), through friends, at church (or church events - camp, retreats, etc.) or by walking around Westland Mall for umpteen hours. Then one day it changed - enter the late 1990's and along comes a very resourceful resource...the Internet. The Internet brought Encyclopedia Britannica, plus much more, to your finger tips. You could travel to another city (even country) in about a 1.5 min. (back then it was dial-up, highspeed was a few years away) - and watch someone get married in Las Vegas via the Chapel of Love web cam. Today every ounce of information you could ever want/need to know about ANYthing, can be found on the Internet - truth, fiction or a combination of the two. Including a date with your future mate. You can now meet someone living just miles, streets, maybe even front yards away from your home - and you don't have to walk out the door. Yeah, I know great way to work on your social skills!!

As those who follow know - I'm single and 30+, which to some (mainly to those in the Christian sphere) makes me a rare demographic. I don't consider it completely rare - just medium rare, again especially when going outside of the Christian sphere. More and more single is a common (and accepted) status. Men and women are finishing their education, starting jobs to get established, building friendships and enjoying the freedoms of being an adult - before settling down to marriage and children...and the responsibilities that come with both blessings. In addition (and what I consider the main factor), because of our culture and the acceptance of all lifestyles - many (not all - and count me in the not all group) singles are enjoying the "benefits" of marriage without the commitment of marriage. Sex (however you define it), living together and children outside of marriage. Therefore, making it "unnecessary" to get married as a late teen or very early young adult - as was the case with the generations I mentioned above. Kind of like the old saying "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?". However the medium rare part falls when you are single and 30+...usually by the mid to late 20's young adults are starting to realize they are ready for a spouse, children, and similar responsibilities. Not many are 30+ and single (especially men) - making the "line-up" of potential mates that you meet at work...church...shoot even at the grocery store fewer and fewer. In addition, sadly this culture we live in is one of instant gratification and one where they like to know all their "options" before making a selection. They want to know all they can about each option before making a choice - without making any form of connection, let alone a commitment. And there you have it - the concept to the "new" (but not really so new) fad of Internet dating. View your options, learn more and see if they meet your ideal.

Companies like e-Harmony and Match.com have advertisements all over the television, Internet, radio stations, etc. Telling people of all ages (18+) and marital statuses that they can be the solution to help with taking a state of singleness to a state of matrimony. Tell the provider about yourself, what you are looking for and leave the "hard" work to them. And yes, I'll be honest, I've fallen for their ploy and I've given the two providers mentioned above a try.

For those who've never done such a task - let tell you a little about it...

From their home page you create a user name (which can be your actual name or a name you create - I say use something creative) and password - this is not an unusual process when registering for anything on-line. Next, you are prompted to create a profile of yourself telling things like your city, age, marital status, ethnicity, height and weight (yeah right - like I'd ever tell someone that, my doctor is lucky to know this detail!), interests, religion, salary (again, not something I share freely), drinking and smoking habits, and the list goes on. You then create a profile of your "ideal" mate - answering similar questions. You give brief answers to questions like...tell us the last book you read, your occupation (never say where you work), your favorite hot spots or destinations, your religion, your interests/hobbies, etc. Then you get to post one, two or several pictures of yourself, your pets, your last vacation - whatever you want. Thankfully all content written and pictures are reviewed by the provider before they are actually posted - to make sure that they are appropriate and not distasteful. After you've entered all those details you can search (with the exception of e-Harmony) for hours to find your date and/or future mate. Searching is usually free - so search to your heart's content. You can search for people only in certain ages ranges, certain cities, within "x" number of miles from you, by ethnicity, religion and a combination of other specific categories. You can allow the provider to search their list of members to find people who are looking for someone like you and vice versa. You can search only by those who have pictures. Each day you can log on and find a group of new matches that you might be interested in. The search capability goes on and on. It can be very overwhelming - especially at first. But here is where the provider gets you - search all day and night if you want. But if you find someone and you want to communicate with them, which initially will be an e-mail sent via their e-mail system...communicating for free - well not so much. As with most things in life - there is a fee. And a potential costly fee at that - I'm talking like into the several hundreds of dollars with an automatic renewal at the end of your subscription....unless YOU personally go in and stop your subscription (be warned!). Of course the more you pay the longer your service. So I know you are asking...well have you ever paid? Yes, I've paid the fee - but being the cheap person that I am - only when they are running a promotional - like 3 months for the price of 1 month, and then after 3 months I've cancelled my subscription! E-Harmony has you answer TONS of questions and reaction questions. Then they search their "database" of people to find your "true" match. They then e-mail you potential matches. This process occurs until you completely disable your "account" with them. The research and e-mailing you parts are free...again its the communication part and beyond that has the fee. With both providers, if you find someone, you become comfortable with them you can meet - thus begins the non-virtual (actually traditional) dating process.

Through my adult single years people have made all kinds of comments about me being single (still working on the "things you don't say to a single person" blog) - comments like..."Why aren't you married?". "Don't you want to get married?". "You do realize that you aren't getting any younger,correct?". "Where is your husband? (see if I knew that answer I wouldn't be SINGLE!!! HELLO!!). "You should cook for some of these guys (as if there is a line out the door) and maybe they would marry you." - as if I've not tried this approach! Some what related to the previous comment..."how can someone that cooks like you still be single?" (yeah, that one I just looked at them and walked away). And of course the the one that prompted today's post..."Well have you ever tried the Internet?". So, there you have it inquiring minds who want to know - I've tried it and for those who are really curious - yes I've tried it more than once, more than twice!! Obviously, I've had no positive result to Internet dating. I have a standards of the person I want to marry - some standards are flexible, while others are not and one that is not is being a Christian. Very few Christians use this source of dating...especially since very few Christians (men especially, again) wait until after 30 to get married. I've found it difficult to met someone this way. I'm not saying this doesn't work - I know a few couples where this method has worked, they are happily married and have been for years. I'm just saying...I've tried it and it didn't work! Will I return to try again...probably not, but never say never.

So if you are single who has never tried this approach - I can say give it a chance. It will be a good exercise to see who and what you are looking for in a mate, and you will learn a few things about yourself as well. Outside of making a list of what I desire in a mate - this process has been very beneficial and eye opening to me. In addition, to finding a handful of potential mates - I will guarantee you MANY laughs. I've had many laughs through this process...it's amazing what people will say about themselves to draw your attention, and what kinds of pictures they will post - WOW!! But let me share some advise: be smart and use common sense - from selecting your user name, to answering questions for your profile, to communicating with potential dates and all the way to how much money you are going to spend. Be just as smart, if not more than, as you would if you were actually meeting someone in person and getting to know them outside of the vitural world. NEVER give out your address, employer's name, phone number, and maybe even establish a separate e-mail account for contact - nothing personal until you know and are comfortable with someone. If you meet someone - same rules apply - BE SMART...only meet them in public places, never at your house, place of employment or in a secluded area. No one is looking out for you - except for you...so BE SMART!! Be prepared that these services will fill-up your e-mail inbox with all kinds stuff - and not just limited to sending you matches, again another reason for having a separate e-mail account. And lastly, if you try it...best of wishes to you, maybe you will find your Harmonious Match!!!