Stillness

Psalms 46:10a "Be STILL, and KNOW that I am God..."

Being still is something I struggle with...I like to continually be doing something and often multi-tasking. However, 2009 has taught me that always being busy and not enjoying the stillness isn't what is required of us. Each year in late October and through November, I begin a process of self-evaluation and prayer regarding my ministry responsibilities at IBC and how they will continue into the next year. I feel this process is only fair to my ministry roles, myself and most importantly God. During my years at IBC(31 to be exact), I've been involved in MANY ministries...especially and mainly during my adulthood. I LOVE to serve people, to show compassion on them and use the gifts/abilities God has graciously given to me. In addition, I have a hard time saying "no". This has always been an area where I have weakness, and unfortunately often those around me knew that - so they asked me to serve.

However, last year (2008) as I began my self evaluation - I discovered something, something that I didn't realize was there or should I say not there. There was a distraction, I was tired, I was overwhelmed. At this time I was involved in over 12 different ministries. I was stretched thin. My schedule was FULL all of the time and I wasn't being STILL. I realized that I was coming to church because I had a responsibility or meeting before, during or after a service. I was just making it happen and playing the part. I wasn't backsliding - God taught me a lot in 2008 and I was growing, I just had my priorities out of line. I was just in need of an alignment - I was stuck in the rut and I needed out. As I discovered my ugly truth - I was embarrassed and ashamed. How could I hold titles as Missions Committee Member and T.E.A.C.H. Team Coordinator - and not have my priorities together enough to make Christ and my relationship with Him my main focus when walking through the doors of IBC. In addition to my spiritual life, my personal and emotional life was hurting. I was up until all hours of the night getting laundry done or working on other household chores, and my mind was so full that I couldn't just rest. Just to make it all happen. This wasn't fair - on so many levels. So after much prayer and consideration - I removed some (not all) items from my list for 2009. Some of them were hard to remove - Missions Committee Member...I love learning about and meeting new Missionaries, and Choir Member...I love to sing (I can't carry a tune in a bucket - but I love to sing). But God was showing me, telling me and begging me to do as Ps. 46:10a says "Be STILL, and KNOW that I am God"...he wanted me to return to making Him my focus for going to IBC - not because of a meeting or obligation. As 2009 started I really struggled with having to tell people I wouldn't be in my "role" anymore and with the fact that I had more time on my hands - I felt guilty, like I wasn't using my time accordingly. Although I soon learned that it was nice to be able to come home and focus on laundry, cleaning, just relaxing or spending more time with God in His Word. I was (and still do) enjoy the extra 15-20 min. on Sunday mornings to slow down and get my heart ready for worship. In general, I was soon finding myself to not be so rushed, to be able to relax and to draw closer to God.

The extra time in the evenings has allowed me to take on some additional opportunities - every now and again. I'm volunteering as a Special Events Coordinator for a local High School's Booster Association - and I'm really enjoying that opportunity, as it's not a huge time commitment and I get to use my organizational/planning skills in a secular realm. In addition - I've been able to minister in a practical way to those around me through food...one of my passions. A few years ago I started a ministry - "Meg's Meal Ministry". This ministry isn't one that's listed on the IBC annual report, and it's not one that too many people are even aware exists. It was "created" during a time when I was really struggling with not having a family of my own, and that God opened my eyes to this practical needs ministry. God has given me a love and ability to cook/bake - I just didn't understand why He would allow me to have this gift - if He didn't allow me to use it to fed a family - my own family. After a few days of grumbling and complaining to God - God in His loving way showed me that I can use this gift to minister to my family members who don't live in my home, with members of my IBC family, neighbors and co-workers. There were people all around me who were hurting, healing, sick, lonely and just in need of some encouragement. Food is a great way to minister to people. He reminded me of the verse that says..."when you were hungry, I fed you". So over the past 3-4 years, as God has laid someone or a family on my heart - I have prepared a meal for them. Some are people who I knew were going through a rough patch, experiencing a sickness/illness, or just needed some encouragement - and others God gives me their name and I have no idea of the need. Whoever it is I contact them to let them know that a meal would be in the IBC refrigerator, that I would be dropping something off to their house, or that I would be placing something in the work refrigerator for them. Often it's a meal that is ready to go into the oven, or the crock-pot just needs turned on - for whatever day that week that works for them. It's simple, is very much behind the scenes (where I'm most comfortable) and yet it's a way of showing Christ's love in a practical way (I love practical) - and I LOVE doing this for people. This year - I was able to encourage a family who had a "not so pleasant" doctor's appointment to attend, and I knew that dinner would be the last thing they wanted to think about - so while they were meeting with the doctoer - dinner was cooking in the crock-pot and ready when they got home. I (along with many others) helped a friend going through chemo and radiation, and again two other times after very important surgeries - so that neither she nor her husband would have to worry about dinner for their family. I was able to make a meal for a friend who needed some encouragement and who actually used it for her son's birthday dinner - as the meal I made, just so happened to be his favorite (who knew? God knew!). I was able to be a testimony to a non-believing co-worker who had a baby. I made dinner for two friends who were recovering from delivering babies and another during her recovery from out-patient surgery. I used it to minister to friends as we traveled to a ladies retreat and enjoyed a soup lunch along the side of the road. I'm looking forward to blessing one of the teens at IBC with his favorite dish, as he recovers from surgery later this month. These are just a few of the ways God has used this ministry this year. He's used it more this year than in any other year. And I can't help but believe it's because this year I was being STILL - slowing down, sitting back, listening to the needs of others, looking at those around me, seeing the need and following God's leading. What a blessing it is to "Be STILL and know that HE is God".

A Lady In Waiting...

Per my Facebook status I am..."I'm waiting. I'm waiting on You, Lord - and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on You, Lord - though it is painful. But patiently, I will wait. I will move ahead, bold and confident - taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting I will serve You. While I'm waiting I will worship. While I'm waiting I will not faint. I'll be running the race - even while I wait."

I love this song!! The words are so true in my life, because the song says exactly how I feel right now. I've usually been a good "waiter", and patience is something that I practice often and very well - if I must say. I do really good waiting in line at the store, waiting as I save money for something I want or need, or waiting until it's my turn for _________. HOWEVER, right now - I feel like the only thing I'm accomplishing is waiting. 2009 has been a year of many transitions and changes - God has given me a "new normal" (as Jenni would say), in so many ways. At times, I feel like God has wrapped a rubber band around me and is pulling it - waiting to see how far it will stretch and how far I will stretch with it. I'm not complaining about this "experiment" - because God really has drawn me closer to him...but I wonder how much longer it will be - how long do I show Him that I can wait? After, typing that last question I realize that it will be until I've learned the lesson - and apparently I have learned it...if I'm asking "how much longer"?

Maybe you are asking...what is "it" that I'm waiting for? Well none of the answers to that question will be a surprise, as I've been fairly open on here about the situations in my life. But, since I'm a list maker - I will "jot" my list down for you. I ask that you join me in praying for me as I wait...pray that I will continue wait patiently and realize when it's time to wait no more. Pray that I will clearly see God opening and closing doors - so that I can clearly see His plan. Most importantly pray that I don't grow weak in well doing, and that I remember that I am living for God - not for the praise of man.

**DISCLAIMER - I realize my "trials" may seem small and meaningless compared to others, but please don't discount them...because they are my trials and God has given each of us a burden we must carry. Some greater than others - but all are burdens.**

Meg's Waiting List:
- Work...most of the transitions have been made, and my work load is slow these days. I spend many days finding mindless projects that fill my time. I really don't see how they can justify keeping me - but they do PTL! I continue to look for other opportunities - but nothing has opened up. DE is apparently where God needs me and wants me these days - but the lack of work is concerning and frankly, boring. Pray that I will be content and not become complacent.

- Church...God is working at IBC and I pray that He is working in the hearts of the people at IBC - most of all me. We as a congregation continue to wait to see who will come and lead us. It's hard! We wait to see how much longer PR and family will be with us. We wait to see what the financial situation will be like as all this transition takes place. I'm on the Pastoral Search Committee and I continue to wait to see when we will have our next meeting to begin to move forward. Some ministries and events are being put "on hold", until more definitive answers are provided. Please pray that IBC will have unity, will be content and not become complacent - and most importantly that we will look for God's Agenda. Pray that I will not be a stumbling block - but a person that will set the example for others to watch.

- Marriage & Children...to date God has decided that He isn't willing to share me yet. Right now, He wants to keep me all to himself. While that is a flattering thought - it honestly is a hard pill to swallow. And one that I'm starting to struggle with more and more these days. For a long time I've been very content in being single - it has given me great freedom and opportunities to minister and serve. Yet, for as long as I can remember, God has given me the desire to be a wife and mother - but he hasn't fulfilled to those desires. People say... "in time", or look at what happened with ______. But those aren't the things you tell someone who is single - that makes them feel even more different than most people already make them feel and treat them. (I should do a blog on the things you don't tell a Single Person!) This year I turned 33...two years from my scary age (the age where my plans were to be __________, and what if they aren't). I know that having a "scary age" sounds very humanistic and not at all the way a Christian should feel - but I'm being honest here friends. I fear that I'll reach 35 alone - meaning never having experienced the blessings, trials and love a marriage, or have felt "how sweet to hold a new born baby" that is mine. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii - but I was saving that vacation for my Honeymoon. But the other day I started looking at the cost of a trip - for my 35th Birthday - not because I can't wait any longer, but because the reality of not having a Honeymoon is starting to set-in. Don't mistake me - I hope I'm wrong and that I will get a Honeymoon - but the practical/realistic person in me says "you better go now, otherwise you will never get there." Very few of my friends understand this situation - many, they really like to blow it off if the subject is raised. They roll their eyes (as if to say "here we go") or cut me off. So I've learned that there are two very close people, who can totally understand. So we share this burden together and encourage one another. I've been praying for a husband/family for 12 years. Since I turned 16 I've prayed almost daily for "my husband" - that God would keep him close to Himself, that he would bring Godly influences into his life and that he would find his way to me or me to him. But in recent months the prayer has changed slightly - I still pray for "my husband", but I'm praying for God to either fill these two desires or to completely take them away, to throw them in the deepest most furthest pit. Because for these two areas - I'm having a hard time with the waiting and I'm close to my "rubber band snapping in two". As I pray - I pray that if He does take them away - that He will provide me with the peace that I will need to realize that truth. This has become such a hard issue for me this year - and I try to remain positive, but it truly is THE hardest issue I'm facing.

So tonight, I blog as a lady in waiting...waiting for the Lord to move in my life in these three areas. I am hopeful - although it is painful. But I'm trying hard to continue to wait - and as I wait, no matter what - I will serve, worship and run the race...all the while relying solely on my God to lead me every step of the way.