Singled Out...

Last weekend I attended a wedding.

Weddings are always a very bittersweet event for me.

I'm always excited to celebrate with the happy couple! I can't wait to see the beautiful dress! The way the church and reception hall are decorated! The smile on the Bride's face that lights up the room! The pride of the Groom watching his Bride walk down the aisle!

I'm reminded of my singleness. I'm reminded of the void in my life - that I long to fill. I'm sitting alone - filled with love to offer someone, yet no one wants my love. I'm one of only a few my age that's not been given this gift. I'm reminded of my incompleteness as the Pastor talks about how the couple coming together complete each other.

Last weekend I attended a wedding and two things happened that singled out, my singleness.

After the wedding, a lady approached me in the parking lot - handed me a baseball glove and smiled...actually laughed as she handed it to me. I asked what it was for - she said, "its to help you catch the bouquet". And then laughed some more, harder. I just looked at her. I really wanted to just cry. I really wanted to tell her how cruel that was. I really wanted to take the glove and smack her in the face with it - to be completely honest. Where did she find the humor in this? How would she feel if I made fun of or made light of a circumstance in her life that she wished were different? How would she feel if I were her daughter, and someone else did that to me? How would she feel if she knew that inside my heart, that was already tender, was now breaking into even smaller pieces because of her cruel joke. She continued to smirk, as I handed the glove back and said - "no thanks". Never once cracking a smile. I hope she got my point. I hope she saw my hurt - although I don't think she did.

I went to the reception. It was beautiful. The food was very good. The traditional dances began - first dance, father/daughter mother/son. A special slow dance was played for all the married couples - it was nice. The couple married the longest had been married for 54 years - and they were dancing as if it were their wedding day. Then the DJ announced that another slow song would play. This time for those who aren't married. I realize that was for dating couples, friends who dance together, etc. But did they really have to choose a slow song for the single people in the room to dance to - it just rubbed me the wrong way. I was probably overreacting and being ultra sensitive - those are the usual comments single people get when their feelings are hurt on that subject, we aren't supposed to allow our feelings to be hurt - apparently. I said "oh yeah - who are the single people supposed to dance with to a song like this - when it's just them". Someone at the table said I could dance with my sister. That comment just burned through me like a flaming sword. Between the situation in the parking lot and that comment my feelings were now officially stomped to the ground and hurt. How can people be so inconsiderate? Don't they know that singles already feel alone, unwanted and not worthy of the gift of love? I reacted - and my words were harsh. I was wrong for not controlling my words or emotions. When others at the table went to get cake - I left. I didn't want to be in this place any longer. I didn't want to have to force a smile - when inside I just wanted to hide in the darkest corner and cry. So I left - the room was dark and I could sneak out. Actually, when I left no one even said goodbye - they probably didn't see me leaving, and I was okay with that. I need to just leave. I know it sounds like I was making it all about me - but I wasn't...others were making it all about me by their comments.

The next day at church immediately after the service the person who made the comment - approached me with tears in their eyes and apologized. They were very sincere. They said they didn't mean to offend me, they just wanted me to be able to dance. I accepted their apology, and I apologized for my reaction.

The lady with the baseball glove...she probably still thinks it's funny and has no idea how much it hurt. She actually did the same thing that same day, in a similar manner to another single person while they waited to be dismissed from the ceremony - it hurt them too. But they were stronger than me - they were able to appease the lady and give a little laugh.

Moral of this Story: For someone who longs to be married - singleness is not a laughing matter...and the last thing a single person wants to be is the punch line of some one's "single" joke and singled out.