Per my Facebook status I am..."I'm waiting. I'm waiting on You, Lord - and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on You, Lord - though it is painful. But patiently, I will wait. I will move ahead, bold and confident - taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting I will serve You. While I'm waiting I will worship. While I'm waiting I will not faint. I'll be running the race - even while I wait."
I love this song!! The words are so true in my life, because the song says exactly how I feel right now. I've usually been a good "waiter", and patience is something that I practice often and very well - if I must say. I do really good waiting in line at the store, waiting as I save money for something I want or need, or waiting until it's my turn for _________. HOWEVER, right now - I feel like the only thing I'm accomplishing is waiting. 2009 has been a year of many transitions and changes - God has given me a "new normal" (as Jenni would say), in so many ways. At times, I feel like God has wrapped a rubber band around me and is pulling it - waiting to see how far it will stretch and how far I will stretch with it. I'm not complaining about this "experiment" - because God really has drawn me closer to him...but I wonder how much longer it will be - how long do I show Him that I can wait? After, typing that last question I realize that it will be until I've learned the lesson - and apparently I have learned it...if I'm asking "how much longer"?
Maybe you are asking...what is "it" that I'm waiting for? Well none of the answers to that question will be a surprise, as I've been fairly open on here about the situations in my life. But, since I'm a list maker - I will "jot" my list down for you. I ask that you join me in praying for me as I wait...pray that I will continue wait patiently and realize when it's time to wait no more. Pray that I will clearly see God opening and closing doors - so that I can clearly see His plan. Most importantly pray that I don't grow weak in well doing, and that I remember that I am living for God - not for the praise of man.
**DISCLAIMER - I realize my "trials" may seem small and meaningless compared to others, but please don't discount them...because they are my trials and God has given each of us a burden we must carry. Some greater than others - but all are burdens.**
Meg's Waiting List:
- Work...most of the transitions have been made, and my work load is slow these days. I spend many days finding mindless projects that fill my time. I really don't see how they can justify keeping me - but they do PTL! I continue to look for other opportunities - but nothing has opened up. DE is apparently where God needs me and wants me these days - but the lack of work is concerning and frankly, boring. Pray that I will be content and not become complacent.
- Church...God is working at IBC and I pray that He is working in the hearts of the people at IBC - most of all me. We as a congregation continue to wait to see who will come and lead us. It's hard! We wait to see how much longer PR and family will be with us. We wait to see what the financial situation will be like as all this transition takes place. I'm on the Pastoral Search Committee and I continue to wait to see when we will have our next meeting to begin to move forward. Some ministries and events are being put "on hold", until more definitive answers are provided. Please pray that IBC will have unity, will be content and not become complacent - and most importantly that we will look for God's Agenda. Pray that I will not be a stumbling block - but a person that will set the example for others to watch.
- Marriage & Children...to date God has decided that He isn't willing to share me yet. Right now, He wants to keep me all to himself. While that is a flattering thought - it honestly is a hard pill to swallow. And one that I'm starting to struggle with more and more these days. For a long time I've been very content in being single - it has given me great freedom and opportunities to minister and serve. Yet, for as long as I can remember, God has given me the desire to be a wife and mother - but he hasn't fulfilled to those desires. People say... "in time", or look at what happened with ______. But those aren't the things you tell someone who is single - that makes them feel even more different than most people already make them feel and treat them. (I should do a blog on the things you don't tell a Single Person!) This year I turned 33...two years from my scary age (the age where my plans were to be __________, and what if they aren't). I know that having a "scary age" sounds very humanistic and not at all the way a Christian should feel - but I'm being honest here friends. I fear that I'll reach 35 alone - meaning never having experienced the blessings, trials and love a marriage, or have felt "how sweet to hold a new born baby" that is mine. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii - but I was saving that vacation for my Honeymoon. But the other day I started looking at the cost of a trip - for my 35th Birthday - not because I can't wait any longer, but because the reality of not having a Honeymoon is starting to set-in. Don't mistake me - I hope I'm wrong and that I will get a Honeymoon - but the practical/realistic person in me says "you better go now, otherwise you will never get there." Very few of my friends understand this situation - many, they really like to blow it off if the subject is raised. They roll their eyes (as if to say "here we go") or cut me off. So I've learned that there are two very close people, who can totally understand. So we share this burden together and encourage one another. I've been praying for a husband/family for 12 years. Since I turned 16 I've prayed almost daily for "my husband" - that God would keep him close to Himself, that he would bring Godly influences into his life and that he would find his way to me or me to him. But in recent months the prayer has changed slightly - I still pray for "my husband", but I'm praying for God to either fill these two desires or to completely take them away, to throw them in the deepest most furthest pit. Because for these two areas - I'm having a hard time with the waiting and I'm close to my "rubber band snapping in two". As I pray - I pray that if He does take them away - that He will provide me with the peace that I will need to realize that truth. This has become such a hard issue for me this year - and I try to remain positive, but it truly is THE hardest issue I'm facing.
So tonight, I blog as a lady in waiting...waiting for the Lord to move in my life in these three areas. I am hopeful - although it is painful. But I'm trying hard to continue to wait - and as I wait, no matter what - I will serve, worship and run the race...all the while relying solely on my God to lead me every step of the way.
